I’m gutted I haven’t got my glasses prescription sorted ‘cos it would really finish that ‘unnerving loner girl look’ off nicely. If I could have any specs, it would easily be these from wonderful Covent Garden optometrists, Opera Opera; http://www.operaopera.net/page17.htm
I have a lot to thank the V&A for; mainly starting off my gawkish obsession with fashion designers between 1890 and 1935. I can hold my own in any conversation about the introduction, removal then reintroduction of the corset with any Tom, Dick or Harry, and these are likely names too as I tend to pull out the academic talk when I’ve had several drinks and wanna impress. This went on to be my dissertation, then inspired an exhibition I held at my previous place of work – Kula Tsurdiu; 100 years of the Wedding Dress (www.kulatsudiu.co.uk). My friend, Jon, an amazing photographer from Leeds took some snaps, see below (www.jonstanleyaustin.com).
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Enough about my exbo’s. So I was pretty excited to start my trip there were several exhibitions I really wanted to see. But before I made it to either I was drawn to the shop, where I encountered my first inappropriate conversation between some bored public school girls, all I know them as is; A,B and C, then the subject matter; Lisa’s tits. Whoever Lisa is, she uses them to her advantage at every situation, including science lessons. Atta girl Leese. Having almost purchased a cardboard castle with room for 2, I exited the shop, quite pleased that it turns out I’m a very good eavesdropper.
I’m glad that I am doing the majority of this thing alone, my sense of direction is senseless and a map just confuses me more so. It took me 18 minutes to find room 17a for the first exhibition; The Metropolitan Police Service’s Investigations Fakes and Forgeries. Now. I had high hopes, in fact I knew exactly what I expected (and wanted) something along the lines of that fake alien everyone thought was real in the 70’s and those fairy pictures that had the Victorians in a state. It was really the Met emphasising that faking and forging artwork is a massive pain in the arse so they would rather you not do. I knew for a fact that this women thought I was a hapless loser photographing what I thought was a real Banksy. Anyway it was loads of copies, some really bloody impressive, some less so (whoever tried to copy Lowery gets top marks for whose ever eyes he covered with wool). In all my final thoughts on leaving were this; these men, one is particular seemed to be the focus; Shaun Greenhalgh, were so bloody dedicated to ripping off these works so meticulously they were kind of deserving of some cash if they’re going to waste so much time. The Met would not be happy with me. No Siree.
I headed onwards and upwards - where I encountered my second experience of inappropriate teenage behaviour. This time it was around 20 teenage boys, there was a time in my life when this would have possibly been the death of me, but now I’m old enough and wise enough to know that teenage boys are the most humorous of demographics in every way possible. They were blocking the entrance to a room I was certain I wanted to go in, so manoeuvring through the pack with the ease of any person of 5ft; some were a little reluctant to move. So forgetting I was in a museum and not a darkened club, I moved them out the way with the firm affection I would usually use, kind of squeezing ones hip. So I did this, and made one shaven headed individual jump to which his friends went a little wild uttering patter they picked up maybe on work experience at a builders merchants ‘come on lad’s let the little lady through’.
With that unfortunate episode over with I enter an exhibition I didn’t realise was there; The Contemporary Design Collection. This to me is what Avatar is to those who dream of permanently living as their online alter ego. Before we go any further, you should know I’m a geek, i.e. someone with an obsessive interest is a subject not particularly noteworthy or necessary, and post modern design is mine. Especially this set of draws by Tejo Remy which I’ve wanted to see since I was 15. Yeah I like draws. I also like ironic handbags like the Walkers crisp packet by Anya Hindmarch, by this point the IPod went from Animal Collective to All Saints and I began to embrace all that is 90’s.
The draws of my dreams.
I also have an obsession with my Roberts Radio, and am really jealous of this hot 60’s one.
After three hours, and thinking I was the only one in the library (remember that scene in Beauty and Beast where Belle is going wild for the library, I too pretended to be going wild for it) I got creeped out by a guy who I didn’t realise was in there too stood at the top of one of the those ladders on wheels about 20ft up. It was my time to go. Also I have no idea how short or long I’m meant to make this.
Above is my purchase from the Victoria and Albert Museum, a 2D clowns hat. If you find yourself in an position where you have a week day afternoon to visit the V&A do, not least because you can recreate your favourite Disney scene like me.
